


I'm coming over

by tessalane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Art, Harry is a cool friend, Liam is a football player, Liam is intrigued by him, Liam wants to keep things secret, Liam's very cool but very insecure, Love Confessions, M/M, Outsider Zayn, Popular Liam, Secret Relationship, Sex, Smut, Top Liam, Zayn and his mum are very close, Zayn being really smart and geeky, Zayn can't deal with Liam's insecurities, a tiny bit of angst, artistic zayn, coming out to his family, handjobs, he's falling in love with Zayn but doesn't know how to deal with that, hinted Zarry but only if you blink and look very closely, inspiring Zayn, it's fluffy I swear, side larry - Freeform, that was very awkward to write, zayn's pov, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 01:50:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7247341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessalane/pseuds/tessalane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>„I literally thought I would never truly have you.“, Zayn whispers as they’re pulling apart.</p><p>„You had me right from the start. I was just to scared to admit it.“</p><p>„You don’t have to be scared of anything as long as you’ve got me.“</p><p>Liam smiles at him brightly and presses his lips to Zayn’s one more time and says then „You know what? I genuinely think that too.“</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Liam is super popular and super straight until he meets outsider Zayn who's just so inspiring and interesting and it makes Liam question everything and he's hurting Zayn in the progress Zayn's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm coming over

**Author's Note:**

> Omg, this has actually turned into this massive thing, I didn't even planned on writing more than 5000 words but now it's like more than 17000 
> 
> I have no idea how that happened honestly 
> 
> It's probably a bit rubbish in some parts and there might be some errors in there (I didn't proof read) but I still hope so so much that you guys will like it I actually spent so much time on this and it took me a lot of motivation but it's done it's finished and I'm happy so please enjoy reading!!
> 
> There's also some horrible attempt at writing smut, it was my first try so yeah don't be too hard on me please haha :D
> 
>  
> 
> This is the Ziam side story from my other work Kiss me like that , you don't have to read it to understand this one but I would obviously be very happy if you did :)  
> here's the link  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7139543/chapters/16211666

It’s not that Zayn hates school. He’s intelligent, he’s passionate and he’s ambitious, which makes it very easy for him to be a great student. One of the best, actually. 

 

But that’s exactly what’s considered a geek. 

 

He belongs to the outsiders, the smokers, the weird kids everyone kind of stays away from because they’re scared they’ll be considered ‚not cool‘ too. 

 

Which is stupid - 

 

but Zayn has accepted his fate. 

 

He’s a smart kid and he knows when you should accept and live with a fact you simply cannot change. 

So Zayn focuses on school, smoking, art and music and doesn’t really give a shit about the people in school. 

 

He likes to be alone anyway. 

 

He’s sitting in art class, painting a really cool picture of a Rose and Smoke, thrumming along to the Weekend, when someone suddenly taps his back.

 

Zayn, completely taken by surprise, shrieks and turns around to be face to face with a mob of brown curls and a soft smile. 

 

„`M Harry. Didn’t mean to scare you.“, he introduces himself, as if Zayn didn’t know already. Harry was one of the popular kids, always hanging around with Louis and Liam, the fuckboys, the football kings, the guys everyone wanted to be, be with or kill. 

Zayn looks at him but doesn’t say anything.

 

Harry clears his throat. „You’re good at art, right? I was wondering if I could maybe sit next to you and if you could give me some tips. I’m shit.“

 

Zayn smiles slightly and gives him a short nod. 

 

Harry’s face lights up and he grabs a chair and a canvas and sits down next to him.

„Not trying to sound like a creep but I’ve been watching you a bit. Can’t help it, though, Art’s just so boring if you’re rubbish at it and I’ve noticed how good your paintings look and I’m impressed, really.“

Zayn actually genuinely smiles at that. „Thank you.“

Harry simply shrugs. „It’s true. You have talent.“

 

„I’m Zayn.“, he decides to say. Harry seems nice enough and maybe, maybe he wasn’t as much of a dick as he thought he was. 

 

Harry rolls his eyes. „I know, you git. So how are you, Zayn? Tell me about yourself.“ 

 

And Zayn does. 

 

———————

 

The thing is, he doesn’t have many friends. He has Andy and Ant but they’re not going to his school so he usually ends up being more often than not lonely. 

Sure, sometimes he hangs around with the theatre kids like Perrie, Jade and Cher but they’re girls and people already know he’s gay so he doesn’t need to intensify that. 

 

But Harry’s just so nice. He really likes him. As a friend of course, but still. 

 

That’s why he’s smiling as he’s leaving the art room and walking down the corridor to his locker. 

He opens it and puts a few books inside and just as he closes the door again, he can hear voices coming closer. 

 

Voices he knows too well. 

 

„Oye, Zayn.“

 

„Ey, man.“ 

 

„Are you busy sucking cock or do you actually feel brave enough to talk to us for once?“

 

„Nah, he doesn’t have the balls.“

 

The football team. Or at least some of them. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and pretends not to listen to them and puts his earphones in his ear. He closes his locker and starts to walk away. 

 

Just as he has reached the door to the corridor, on earplug gets ripped out of his ear and Zayn turns around, shock running through his body. 

 

They had never taken it that far. Sure, had insulted him, had called him names and such but they’ve never actually touched him.

 

Zayn just stares at one guy, he thinks his name is Nick or something and waits for him to do something. 

 

He doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move. Simply stares. 

 

„Are you poor little fag scared now? Where are the boys now you’re fucking thinking no one will find out? No one here to protect you?“, he mocks him and makes a disgusting little baby voice. 

 

Zayn simply looks him in the eye and doesn’t do anything. If he gets punched he’ll get over it, that’s for sure. 

 

„Fuck off, man, what are you doing?“ 

 

A loud voice comes from behind and Zayn is roughly pushed aside by a strong, muscular guy. The boy pushes Nick up by his collar and slams him against the next locker. 

Zayn moves slightly forward to get a good look at the guy and as soon as he realizes who is saver is, air gets stuck in his throat and he thinks he’s gonna throw up.

 

Liam Payne. Ridiculously handsome, talented, super nice, cute football co-captain Liam. 

 

Saving him from a group of immature boys threatening him. Can his life get any worse?

 

„What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you think you’re funny?“, he almost spits in his face and he’s so angry, is face is completely red. 

 

Nick or whatever his name is, obviously gets scared, his eyes wide in horror and he stammers an apology. „I’m sorry man.. I - I - didn’t you know…“

 

„Liam, calm down, it’s not worth it.“, a guy far in the back yells and tries to break the tension. It only makes Liam even more angry.

 

„If I ever see or hear you call him that again, I’ll make sure you get kicked off the team. And then I’ll fucking punch you until you beg me to stop. Is that clear?“, he yells in Nicks face and Nick only whimpers like a pathetic little boy and nods. 

 

Liam lets go of him and as soon as Nick touches the floor, he runs away. 

 

His clan follows right after him, leaving Liam and Zayn all alone on the corridor. 

 

Liam is panting heavily, trying to calm down and catch his breath. Zayn doesn’t say anything for a while and simply lets the silence fill them up. 

 

After a few minutes, Zayn softly asks „Are you okay?“

 

Liam huffs out a laugh and turns around to face him. „Am I okay? Is that a joke? Those assholes were insulting you and threatening you and you’re asking me if I’m okay?“

 

Zayn only shrugs. „It’s not the first time they did that.“

 

Liam makes a disgusted noise and rubs a hand over his face. „Don’t tell me that.“

 

„Sorry.“

 

„Don’t apologize.“

 

„….Sorry.“

 

Liam gives him a small smile and it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. „I’m Liam.“

 

„Yeah I know. I’m Zayn.“

 

„I wish I could say that I knew you, but I don’t really. I’m sorry.“

 

„Don’t apologize. Anyway, thank you for you know.. helping me. I’m off, see you around.“, Zayn says and gives him a small wave and a smile. 

 

Just as he turns around Liam calls after him. „Wait. Why didn’t you tell them the truth?“ 

 

Zayn looks at him puzzled and shakes his head. „The truth?“

 

„Well, that you’re not gay?“

 

Zayn’s heart falls a bit at that and he tries to keep his composure as he says. „Then I would’ve lied to them.“

 

———

The next day in school, Zayn tries to avoid any human being as much as possible. 

 

He’s not even that embarrassed that he officially came out to Liam Payne, or that Liam had saved him from a bullying attack, it’s just that he feels tired and out of place and and grumpy and when he has those days, he needs to be alone. 

 

That’s the reason he skips the last two periods, because it’s a double chemistry and he’s always hated that subject and hides in the art room, working on his recent painting. 

 

He plugs his earphones in his ears and doesn’t really focus on his surroundings anymore as Drake’s voice fills up his mind. He’s softly singing along, feeling already a bit better when he suddenly feels a light tap on his shoulder. 

 

Surprised, he turns around, only to be face to face with Liam.

 

Zayn’s heartbeat quickens and his thoughts are racing a mile but he doesn’t say anything.

 

„I’ve been looking for you.“, he says with a small smile and gives him an expectant look.

 

Zayn shakes his head and narrows his eyes. „Why?“

 

Liam looks unsure of himself, as if he doesn’t know why he’s been looking for Zayn either. „… I just wanted to check on you. Make sure you’re alright.“

 

Zayn huffs out a laugh and turns back around, facing his painting. „Yeah, I’m good, thanks. You’re free to leave now, I don’t need your pity.“

 

Liam grabs a chair and sits down next to him, earning a raised eyebrow from Zayn. 

„I’m not pitying you. I just thought the way they talked to you was disgusting. I couldn’t stand it. I just wanted to see if you’re okay.“

 

„I’ve experienced worse, but thanks for worrying.“, Zayn simply explains, not really being into this conversation.

 

It’s not that he doesn’t admire Liam, that he doesn’t think he’s the most attractive being on this planet with the most beautiful eyes. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to him or that he doesn’t want any contact with him.

 

It’s just -

 

they’re so different.

 

Liam’s straight, Zayn’s not, Liam’s popular, Zayn isn’t, Liam is good at talking, Zayn hates talking, Liam is warm, Zayn is cold. 

 

They would never fit. Not as friends, not as anything. 

 

And Zayn has never been one to make a fool out of himself or try desperately to make something work that simply wasn’t meant to be. 

 

So he’s not into this conversation.

 

He can feel Liam looking at him, which makes him incredibly nervous, so after a while, he turns towards Liam, looking him directly in the eye. 

 

„Okay, what do you want?“

 

Liam, looking like a lost puppy, begins to stutter. „I.. I don’t… know.. really.“

 

Zayn shakes his head. „You belong to a completely different world. I’m the outcast, you’re the popular kid. Go back to your friends and your football buddies or whatever you call them, and stop pretending to care about me. Okay?“ 

 

„I’m not pretending. I actually do care about you.“

 

„So how come that after all these years we’ve attended the same school, the same classes, you’ve only learnt my name yesterday?“, Zayn accuses. 

 

Liam doesn’t have an answer to that, so Zayn puts his earplugs back in and starts to ignore him.

 

After a while, Liam seems to get the hint, gets up and leaves. 

 

—————

Zayn is up and out of the art room even before the bell rings to signal the weekend. He shoulders his bag, scratches a few dried patches of paint on his skin and makes his way out of the building. 

 

He can’t wait to start reading the new book he has bought a few days ago and maybe meet up with Ant and Danny and smoke a bit and relax from the horrible week in school. 

 

Walking towards the bus station, he doesn’t really mind his surroundings until a huge black BMW parks right in front of him, blocking his way. 

 

Zayn’s heart acts crazy again and he already feels at the edge of an anxiety attack, when the window rolls down and reveals a softly smiling Liam, looking right at Zayn.

 

„Hey Zayn.“, Liam shouts but Zayn only rolls his eyes. 

 

„Didn’t I already tell you that you don’t have to pretend to care about me?“

 

„I wanted to make up for not knowing your name for the past five years and I also wanted to show you that I do care about you. Let me drive you home.“, Liam shouts and smiles so brightly at him Zayn has to look away. 

 

„No.“

 

„Come on, Zayn!“

 

No answer.

 

„I have an iced frappucino with caramel flavor.“ 

 

„….Okay.“

 

Zayn could never say no to an iced frappucino especially with caramel flavor, so he gives himself a push and walks up to Liam’s car. He opens the door, climbs into the huge car and makes himself comfortable in the cold leather seat. 

 

„So where’s your blackmailing object that has clearly worked on me?“, Zayn presses but there’s no real heat behind it. 

 

Liam chuckles and hands him a Starbucks cup over. „There you go. As promised.“ 

 

„How’d you know that I liked my coffee like this?“, Zayn asks, getting a bit suspicious. 

 

Liam blushes at that and begins to drive off the school parking lot. „Well… you know when you told me to leave you alone earlier and you had your music playing so loud it will easily make you go deaf?“

 

Zayn blinks but shrugs anyway. 

 

„I managed to get your planner without you noticing. I opened the first page and you had answered those really weird questions in case your planner ever got lost. You know, where you live, your number, your email address, your hobbies, … and one question was your favorite drink so I had to take the chance, you know?“

 

Zayn barks out a loud laugh at that. He can’t believe Liam would actually do this just to apologize to Zayn. He’s either mental or just a really great person. 

 

He tells him exactly that. 

 

„I’m not so sure myself, to be honest. Maybe I’m just crazy.“, Liam says with a fond smile and gives him a small side glance. „I like the way you laugh. It makes you look much softer.“

 

Zayn looks out of the window and before he answers he takes a deep breath. „That’s exactly why I don’t do it often.“

 

Liam chuckles. „Being soft isn’t a bad thing.“

 

„Neither is being cold.“, Zayn counters and grins mischievously at Liam. 

 

Liam only stares at Zayn at that but gets taken aback as a loud honk comes from the car behind them, urging them to continue driving since the traffic light has turned green again.

 

„Wait.“, Zayn says as he slowly begins to realize something. „I didn’t even tell you where I live.“

Liam smirks. „Yeah, I have other plans.“

 

————————

And that’s how Zayn finds himself in a tiny asian restaurant far out of town, with indie music playing in the background and a smiling Liam sitting opposite him. 

 

„Liam, I don’t know ..“ - Zayn begins but is being cut off by the brown haired boy. 

„Shh. This is the most amazing place, you’ll see. I love it here. The food is amazing and the workers are really nice.“, Liam explains and hands him a menu. 

 

Zayn figures it will be useless to argue with Liam any longer so he takes a look at all the dishes and decides within seconds. 

„Okay, I know what I want.“, Zayn states and puts the card away. 

Liam looks up at him startled. „This quick? You sure?“ 

He just nods. 

Liam gives him a shrug and goes back to studying the menu. He takes a few more minutes until he, too, puts the card down and smiles up at Zayn. 

„Now I know, too.“, Liam says and his eyes sparkle in a beautiful hazel brown. Zayn gulps. 

 

What is he even doing here? Liam is straight, he’s super hot, super popular. Zayn’s none of that. This is total self destruction.

„So, you’re good at art?“, Liam asks and starts to play with a napkin.

 

„I love art.“, Zayn says and smiles softly. „It’s what I enjoy doing the most. Besides music and reading, I mean.“ 

 Liam’s eyes shoot open. „Wow, I didn’t know you were so …“

„Passionate?“, Zayn tries to help.

 

„Interesting. Is that rude?“, Liam asks shyly and blushes. 

Zayn laughs and shakes his head. „No, I know I don’t seem very special, more like the opposite but there’s a lot more to me than what you might think.“

 

„I can see that already.“, Liam says softly and looks down. 

 

Zayn’s breath gets stuck in his throat. Where the fuck is this going? 

 

„And you? What about you?“, Zayn asks, dying to know a bit more about Liam.

 

„I don’t know. It’s always been football, you know? That’s the only thing I ever did and ever was good at. Lately I’m not so sure anymore though.“

 

„Not so sure about football?“ 

 

„No, about anything, really. I don’t know, maybe that’s just part of growing up. Realizing you’re not that into the things you once loved. It’s just a bit scary. I don’t know what I’d do instead of football.“, Liam admits and suddenly seems very vulnerable. 

 

Zayn plays with his hands and gives himself a push to say the next few words. „I’m sure you’re great at many things. You just don’t know yet.“

 

Liam looks up at him again and gives him a bright smile, as if these few words meant the world to him. Maybe they do.

A waiter comes and takes their orders and after he’s left, the two boys fall into comfortable silence. 

 

Until Liam speaks up again. „I just don’t wanna commit myself to something and then realize it’s not what I actually wanted to do.“ 

 

„I think that’s what a lot of people are scared of. And then they end up not doing anything. That’s what I’m scared of. Not doing anything.“

 

Liam nods. „But for you it’s easy. You know what you’re good at and you also love it. Not everyone has that luck.“

 

Zayn huffs out a laugh. „Yeah, but I am gay. Not everyone is that.“ 

 

Liam stares at him for a very long time. „Do you not like being gay?“

 

„It’s not my choice, Liam. It’s not like I have decided to be gay. It’s who I am. If I could decide, I’d rather be straight, it’s much easier, but I can’t so there’s no need to be all sentimental about that.“

 

Liam nods. „When did you realize you were gay? Or rather how?“

 

Zayn thinks for a bit, but then decides to answer anyway. „I always knew. I never really were attracted to boobs or whatsoever. I always liked guys. And when I first kissed a guy, I knew for sure.“

Liam blushes and nods again. 

 

Zayn grins. „You know, it’s kinda funny how you, football star, high school throb, cool Liam, get all blushy and shy about that topic.“

 

Liam laughs and obviously tries to be more at ease. „I just never really got confronted with it, never thought about it. It’s foreign to me.“

 

„Well, thank god you have me to explain all the dirty details to you.“, Zayn laughs and shifts in his seat. 

 

„Yeah. Thank god.“, Liam says just as their food arrives. 

 

They eat in silence and yeah, Zayn has to admit, the food is really good. 

 

Once they’re finished, it’s already dark outside. Liam insists on paying for Zayn, since he practically kidnapped him to go eat with him and Zayn doesn’t have a chance to argue him.

 

They walk back to Liam’s car and once inside, Liam turns on the radio as soft music blasts through the speakers. 

 

It’s nice, is the thing. Sitting here with Liam in his way to fancy car, driving past the headlights and listening to music, not saying a word, lost inside their own heads. Zayn feels at ease. 

 

„I’d really like us to do is again sometime.“, Liam softy says into the silence and Zayn closes his eyes. 

 

„I don’t think that’s a good idea.“, Zayn whispers and leans his head against the window. 

 

„Why not?“

 

„Because I can’t spend time with you without constantly thinking about you on top of me naked.“

 

„Is that a problem we can solve?“

 

„No, I don’t think so.“

 

Liam stops the car at the side of the road. 

 

„Do we have to solve it?“ 

 

Zayn’s eyes shoot open and his head turns around quickly to stare at Liam with a disbelieving look. 

 

„What are you saying?“

 

Liam doesn’t say anything. He simply stares at Zayn, face blank as a canvas, not giving away any emotion. 

 

His eyes flicker down to Zayn’s lips and the tension in the car gets heated in a matter of seconds. Zayn’s heart is beating like crazy and he feels hot and weird and he doesn’t know what to say or to do. 

 

Apparently Liam is taking over that job. 

 

He surges forward and places a soft kiss on his lips. 

 

Zayn is frozen. 

 

As soon as it happened, it’s over. 

 

They stare at each other for another few seconds.

 

Then it all goes very quickly. 

 

Zayn unbuckles his seatbelt, climbs over and places himself on Liam’s lap. 

 

„Is this okay?“, he breathes and searches for Liam’s eyes. 

 

Liam only nods. „Yeah… I think so.“

 

Zayn looks at Liam’s soft lips and leans down again. Their lips touch a second time and sparks run through Zayn’s whole body. 

 

They slowly start to move their lips and Zayn takes control, dominating Liam and the kiss. 

 

He softly moans into Liam’s mouth as he opens and lets Zayn’s tongue in. 

 

The more time passes, the more intimate and heated the kiss gets. Liam’s hands find Zayn’s waist, pulling him even closer. 

 

Zayn grabs Liam’s face and slowly, very slowly, moves his hips into Liam’s, earning a little grunt out of Liam. 

 

Zayn can’t quite believe that this is happening. Liam, straight, super attractive Liam, is kissing the life out of Zayn, soft grunts leaving his body and hands roaming all over Zayn. 

 

Zayn softly pulls at Liam’s hair, moving his hips one last time before he pulls back. 

 

They’re breathing heavily, checks flushed, hair a mess. 

 

„I think we should head home. Unless you want to risk me ripping off your clothes in your fancy car.“, Zayn explains and leans his forehead against Liam’s. 

 

Liam huffs of a breathless laugh. „I still need to process all of this in order to decide wether I really want to risk that.“

 

And Zayn understands. He truly does. Liam needs to figure himself out, needs to check what he’s feeling and why he’s feeling the way he is. It’s scary and it’s confusing. He’s been there. 

 

„That’s okay. Take your time.“, Zayn says and gives him a soft smile and gets back to his own seat. 

 

Liam only sits there for a while and stares at the steering wheel. Then he smiles, turns on the motor and starts to drive. 

 

———————

 

The next day in school, Zayn feels giddy. Excited even. 

He knows he shouldn’t get his hopes up, he should give Liam some time to figure himself out but he can’t help feeling excited just thinking about seeing Liam again. 

 

Liam had driven him home yesterday and had told him that he enjoyed the time with Zayn and that they’ll see each other in school. 

 

So of course Zayn’s excited. He can’t help it. 

It’s after maths when he sees Liam. 

 

Zayn walks out of his class room towards his locker when a group of loud, muscular boys walk down the corridor, laughing and making silly jokes. 

He wants to roll his eyes at them, immature high school boys, just as he notices that Liam is right in the middle of them, various arms around him. 

It’s the football team. 

 

Zayn’s heartbeat quickens and he begins to feel hot, not knowing how to react. Should he say something? Will Liam say something? 

 

They come closer and suddenly Liam and Zayn make eye contact. 

 

Zayn’s frozen. 

 

Liam looks away and continues to talk to his friends. 

 

One of the guys pushes Zayn into his locker, while the others are laughing and continue to make jokes. 

 

Zayn rubs his cheeks, turning around and making eye contact with Liam once again. 

 

He has to say something. Has to do something.

 

But he doesn’t. He just laughs and turns around, walking away with his pack following behind him. 

 

And Zayn should’ve known. He knew they were from different worlds. He knew that he’d never have a chance with Liam. He knows that Liam’s too ‚cool‘ for Zayn. 

 

But he still feels crashed. He feels disappointed, empty and sad.

 

And angry. He’s angry that he feels disappointed when there’s nothing to be disappointed about. He knew this would end like this. No big deal. 

 

He slams his locker door shut and walks to his next class. 

 

The day continues to be awful. 

 

He gets a b minus in his history exam, his favorite food at lunch is all gone when he arrives there and his mum texts him that he has to watch his sisters tonight. 

 

Zayn is done. Done with this day, done with school, done with Liam. He just wants to go home and do nothing. Preferably sleep. 

 

He’s already imagining himself in bed as he walks out of the school building just as a hand grabs his arm and pulls him back. 

 

He turns around, pissed and mad, already ready to give the person shit for touching him when he’s looking at hazel brown eyes staring softly and regretfully at him.

„Fuck off, Liam.“, Zayn spits and tries to turn around again. He’s being pulled back and has no chance to escape.

 

„I’m sorry. I know I should’ve said something. I’m an idiot.“, he says and his eyes look so sad, Zayn almost forgives him. 

 

„Liam.“, he says very slowly and very clearly. „You and I. It’s not gonna work. You’re popular and everyone knows you and thinks you’re straight. Maybe you are and yesterday you just felt the need to kiss someone. I don’t know and I don’t care. I want you to leave me alone before one of us gets hurt. And that will very much be me. This whole thing will end in a huge disaster. So let go of me.“

 

Liam looks hopeless and broken and only intensifies his grip on Zayn’s arm. 

 

„I can’t let go of you.“, he whispers and his voice sounds so small it breaks Zayn’s heart. 

 

Zayn’s eyes fill with tears and he furiously blinks them away. Sometimes he really hates himself. „Let go. Please.“

 

And Liam does. 

 

 

——————

Zayn’s sitting in front of the TV, eating nachos with guacamole, feeling depressed and sad. 

He hates feeling like this. He doesn’t even know Liam but still feels broken by him. It’s stupid. 

 

He lazily flicks through the television and stops when one channel plays a scene from the Avengers. 

Zayn’s happy with that and leaves it on. 

 

Suddenly the door bell rings. 

 

Zayn groans and curses his fate for giving him the worst day ever. 

 

He gets up and drags himself to the door, opening it and groaning even loader when he sees the person standing outside. 

 

„Oh my God, Liam, are you serious.“

 

„I feel like shit and I know you’re feeling like that, too. I need to talk to you, solve this.“, Liam explains and holds out a bar of chocolate. 

 

Zayn takes a deep breath and lets him in. „I’m watching the avengers right now, so you either leave and come back later or you stay and watch it with me.“

 

Liam smiles brightly. „I love the avengers.“

 

Zayn’s eyes narrow. How perfect can a person be? 

 

He slumps down on the couch, Liam beside him and they get comfortable, watching the movie in silence. 

Zayn’s eyes get heavy and he really tries to stay awake, he does.

 

It’s just that he’s had a shit day and he feels drained and tired and that’s why he eventually ends up falling asleep. 

 

When he wakes up again, the television is off and he’s lying on top of Liam, face right where his heart is beating calmly and steadily. 

 

How the fuck did he end up on Liam? 

 

He shuffles around and gets up, sits away from Liam as far as possible and runs a hand through his hair. Shit. 

 

He needs to gain a little self control when it comes to this boy. It’s not healthy.

 

Liam slowly wakes up and rubs his eyes. He looks adorable. 

 

„Hey, why’re you not here anymore?“, he asks, voice all groggy and sleepy and it’s so hot and cute at the same time, it drives Zayn crazy. 

 

„We’re supposed to keep distance, remember?“, Zayn asks and gets comfortable again. He sees the bowl of nachos on the table and grabs some and eats them. 

 

„…Yeah, right. About that.“, Liam says and gets up into a sitting position. „I need to talk to you about that.“

 

Zayn gives him a side glance and eats another nacho.

 

Liam takes a deep breath. „I don’t want to stay away from you. I really like you and I find you interesting and inspiring and intriguing and you’re so passionate and brave and I just really like you. I know I’m crazy and undecided and not sure about anything at the moment but I really want to try this.“

 

Zayn swallows and tries to find any reason to say no. Even if there were thousands, he’d still want to say yes.

 

„Liam… I don’t wan to be your experiment. I have a lot of feelings and when you’re pulling shit like today all the time, I’m going to get hurt.“ 

Liam nods. „I know. That’s why I’m asking to take it slow. Just see where it goes…. and maybe not do so much in school? Maybe? I know that’s a lot to ask but it’s also to protect you. The guys from the footie team can be extremely harsh. Once they find out there’s something between us they’ll not only take me down they’ll also give you crazy amount of shit. They’ll blame you.“

 

„So what you’re suggesting is keeping this a secret?“, Zayn asks and raises an eyebrow.

 

He’s not too sure what to think about that. Liam does have a point though. 

 

Liam nods hesitantly and gives him a puppy face. Zayn sighs. „Ah fuck it. Okay, I’m in. But I’m not taking your shit, okay?“

 

Liam smiles hugely and nods. „I wanna say thank you but that’d be weird.“

 

Zayn nods. „Yeah true.“

 

„Can I stay here tonight? It’s already eleven and I don’t feel like driving home.“

Zayn shrugs. „Sure, but I’m too tired to take your virginity.“

 

Liam barks out a laugh. „I wouldn’t give you my virginity in that sweater anyway.“

 

Zayn looks down at himself and laughs as well. „Hey, what’s wrong with that sweater?“

 

„Zayn, it has a unicorn print and a ‚don’t fuck with me‘ sign below.“

 

Zayn barks out another laugh and holds his tummy. „I love that sweater.“ 

 

He giggles and looks at Liam, who’s fondly looking back. „You geek.“

 

„Yeah I know. Let’s go upstairs and sleep.“

 

Liam nods and follows Zayn to his room. They both step into the dark, the only light coming from the lights from outside. Liam can still see the mess Zayn’s room is and Zayn cringes. 

 

He’s a really messy person, okay, thank you very much. His mum already tells him three times a day to clean up, he doesn’t need someone else to say it too.

Liam doesn’t, however. 

 

„Woah, you have a really nice room.“, Liam says instead, jaw dropping and admiring Zayn’s mess of a room.

There are posters on the wall, clothes everywhere and tons of paintings stuck to the wall, lying on his desk, chair, couch and the floor. 

 

His double sized bed is right in the middle with black sheets and some pillows and his laptop lies on top. 

 

Zayn shrugs. „I didn’t know you were coming, that’s why it’s messy but even if you had told me you were coming I still hadn’t cleaned it just to let you know.“

 

Liam laughs again. Zayn loves that sound. „It’s okay. I don’t mind.“

 

„You seem like a very organized and clean person.“, Zayn says quietly. 

 

„Yeah and you seem like the opposite.“

 

„Good thing we’re fitting so perfectly.“, Zayn answers, sarcasm very clear in his voice. 

 

Liam looks at him with a soft smile and even though the room is dark and Zayn can’t see very much of Liam, he can still see the sincereness and fondness laying in his eyes. 

 

„I think we do.“, Liam whispers and Zayn’s heart stops beating. 

 

He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair. He doesn’t know what to say. 

„Let’s go to sleep.“, Zayn suggests and takes off his jeans. He leaves on the shirt just because he feels like it’s to early to get half naked but Liam seems to not share this opinion and gets undressed, leaving only his boxers on. 

 

Zayn sighs but shrugs it off, gets in bed and waits for Liam to join him. 

 

He does only seconds later. 

 

Liam shuffles around for a bit until he suddenly wraps his arms around Zayn, holding him as tight as he possibly can. 

Zayn takes a deep breath and stiffens for a second. He’s never spooned before. It was always just Sex and then leave because he was never interested enough to stay longer than that. 

Liam is different though. 

 

And he doesn’t know wether that’s a bad thing or a good thing. 

 

—————-

 

Zayn wakes up, feeling relaxed and warm and for a second he doesn’t know where he is until he remembers that he’s in his room, in his bed, on top of Liam.

 

On top of Liam? 

 

He’s now fully awake, jolts up and puts some distance between Liam’s naked torso and Zayn’s confused body. 

 

Liam slowly wakes up as well, rubs his eyes and yawns. 

 

„Hey.“, Zayn says mildly, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

 

He’s not used to being this close and intimate with another person and it feels like Zayn is slowly destroying his walls. It’s weird. 

 

„Mornin` love. Did you sleep well?“, Liam mumbles and opens one eye a tiny bit. 

 

Zayn gives himself a push and smiles down at him. The sun is softly shining into the room, leaving Liam in a gentle light. His face looks relaxed and meek and Zayn feels a little bit more at ease. 

 

He nods. „Do you want breakfast? We have one hour `till we have to go to school.“

 

Liam opens his eyes and begins to shuffle around, gets up and looks for his clothes. 

 

Zayn frowns and follows Liam’s movements with his eyes. 

 

„Right, about that. I think I’ll drive home to get some new clothes and all and maybe eat something.“

 

„You can borrow something from me. And you can also have food here.“, Zayn offers. He doesn’t really understand how Liam can go from angelic and relaxed to tense and on the run. 

 

Liam is silent while he’s getting dressed and then turns around to face Zayn. He’s avoiding him though and looks everywhere but him.

 

„You know… we wanted to keep this a secret, right?“

 

„…Yeah. So?“ 

 

„People will notice when I come to school with you in your clothes. That’s not part of the plan.“ 

 

Zayn feels like someone has punched him in the chest, knocking his breath out of his lungs while doing so. He feels like throwing up and starts to feel incredibly anxious and strained. 

 

„So what is the plan?“, Zayn presses through gritted teeth. He feels kinda stupid. 

 

„We meet after school. I’ll pick you up. But in school, we don’t have any contact.“, Liam says as if he doesn’t notice how much Zayn despises this idea. 

 

He moves towards the bed and leans forward anyway, places a gentle kiss on Zayn’s forehead and mumbles a sweet „Goodbye, babe“ just as he gets up and leaves the room. 

 

The tense and anxious feeling doesn’t leave Zayn’s body the whole morning. 

 

——————

„And he just left?“, Ant asks, disbelief clearly audible and visible in his voice and face. 

 

Zayn shrugs and takes a long drag from his cigarette. 

 

He’s skipping maths, because he hates maths and called his best friend Ant to skip his next lesson and meet up with him at the playground they used to play when they were kids. 

They’re sitting on the swings, smoking and talking and Zayn tells him everything about Liam. 

 

Ant doesn’t seem very happy. 

 

„What a fucking dickhead.“, he shouts and stomps down a foot. „I can’t believe he actually said that. ‚We hang out after school, but in school we don’t interact.‘ Seriously? What a douche.“

 

„I know, I know. I agree.“, Zayn mumbles and blows out the smoke he was holding. „I don’t know what to do about this though.“

 

„Fuck him. Not in a sexual way but in a ‚I-don’t-wan’t-to-talk-to-you-ever-again-way. You can find much better.“

 

„The thing is I can’t. And I won’t. He’s so gentle, attractive, sweet and caring. He just hasn’t figured himself out yet. I know I don’t want to be his experiment but I kinda have faith in him. What if he finds out he’s really into guys and we could actually have a relationship? I always said I’d be down for commitment with the right person.“

 

„Yeah, but is he the right person? Someone who gives you time frames where you’re allowed to talk to them? That’s fucked up. You don’t do that to someone who’s important to you.“

 

Zayn tries to drown the bad feeling he feels in his chest and nods. „No, you don’t.“

 

„I’d really like to punch him.“

 

„You want to punch anyone.“

 

„Yeah, but I’d like to punch him especially.“

 

Zayn laughs. „Whatever. I’m going with it for a while and see where it’s going and if it’s completely ruining me then you can go and punch him. Alright?“ 

 

„Sounds like a deal.“ 

 

———————

 

Zayn decides not to go to school after that. He has A’s or at least B’s in almost every subject and he does work hard and sometimes he’s allowed to skip to focus on himself. 

 

Today is that day. 

 

He still feels oddly anxious and strained from Liam’s rejection this morning and he just wants to take a hot shower, put some music on and paint a bit to get his mind relaxed. 

 

Therefore he goes home, texts his mum that he’s not feeling well and goes up to his room. 

 

He jumps into the shower first, letting hot water run over his body and his sore muscles. He immediately feels a bit better but it’s still not enough. He starts to sing loudly. 

 

Zayn always sings when he feels out of place. It brings him back to reality and gives him some kind of comfort. It’s a passion he always loved and always kept a secret. Only his sisters know he’s good at singing since they’re usually the only one’s home when he showers. His mum is mostly food shopping or out with friends or working and his dad is never really home anyway since he’s working all the time. He barely sees him. 

 

He loves his family but they don’t have a strong connection, since they’re all individuals and all living next to each other instead of actually living with each other. Zayn doesn’t mind very much. He loves them all and he knows that if he ever had a true problem, he could always talk to them - especially his mum. 

 

The moment he steps into the room, only a towel slung around his hips and basically naked, he hates his family so much, he know he will ignore them for at least two days. 

 

Liam sits on his bed, reading a comic and looking like he’s right where he belongs. He looks up as Zayn coughs and his eyes begin to roam Zayn’s body and checks him out. 

Zayn only stares at him in disbelief. „What are you doing here?“ 

 

„You weren’t in school today.“

„I was, but I left.“ 

 

„I was looking for you. I wanted to pick you up and do something but I couldn’t find you. I overheard a teacher saying you weren’t in his class so I drove here to check if you’re alright. Your sister opened the door and said I could come in. Are you feeling ill?“

Zayn shakes his head and moves towards his drawer. He gets out some underwear and grey sweatpants and a hoodie. He’s not planing on going out today. 

 

„No, I just didn’t feel like school today.“

 

„So you just skipped?“, Liam asks in disbelief, brows raised up high. 

 

Zayn shrugs. „I’m really good, I understand everything and my parents don’t really mind as long as my grades are fine.“

„I wish I had your parents.“, Liam asks still sounding like he can’t really believe what Zayn has just told him. „My parents would kill me if I didn’t go to school just because I didn’t feel like it.“

 

Zayn’s getting dressed, then turns around and hesitates. Should he sit down with Liam? Should he just stay where he is? He gives himself a push and makes his way towards his bed, slumps down next to Liam and makes himself comfortable. 

 

„Are your parents strict?“, Zayn asks, voice very soft and quiet. He feels like this is getting very intimate. 

 

Liam shrugs. „They love me and they’d do anything for me but they also expect a lot from me. Sometimes it just gets too much.“ 

Zayn nods. „I don’t really know how that feels, because my parents have never done that, but it must be awful.“ 

 

Liam looks outside the window and his eyes look beautiful like diamonds. „It’s alright. If that’s how you grew up you don’t know anything else.“

Zayn nods. That’s probably true. 

 

„You have a beautiful voice by the way.“

 

Zayn groans and immediately blushes. „Shut up.“

 

„No, I mean it. Is there anything you’re not good at?“ 

„There are many things I’m not good at.“

 

„For example?“

 

„Maths, Science in general, sports, cooking.“ 

 

„Things you don’t really need anyway.“

 

„Neither are singing, drawing and writing.“

 

„I disagree.“

 

„Okay.“

 

It’s silent after that and Zayn feels a weird tension building up. It’s not bad but it’s not very comfortable either. He feels like he should say something but he doesn’t, he just stays quiet. 

 

After a few minutes Liam turns around and looks Zayn straight in the eye, his whole body facing him. 

 

„Were you ever scared of coming out?“, Liam asks and Zayn takes a sharp breath. 

 

He didn’t expect him to ask such an intense question.

 

„Not really. I always knew and I think my family did too. Coming out to my friends was harder because I didn’t know how they would react. Some didn’t react very well but it only ended in me staying away from them. I don’t need people in my life who don’t fully support me anyway. The one’s who matter stay.“

 

Liam nods and looks like he’s thinking about this intensively. „You make it sound so easy.“

 

Zayn laughs. „It’s not, trust me.“

 

„I feel like I don’t know who I am. I always thought I was straight and then you come along and it makes me question everything.“

 

„Don’t try to think about it too much. Maybe you’re straight but only feel strongly attracted to me. Maybe you’re bi, maybe you’re pan, maybe you’re gay, who cares? Does it matter? No. Only the moment matters. You feel attracted to me right now so you either think about that all the time and ruin everything or you stop worrying so much and finally kiss me.“

Liam grins and surges forward after that. Their lips connect and Zayn feels warm and relaxed and content as soon as he feels Liam’s soft lips on his mouth, Liam’s hand caressing his face and his breath ghosting over Zayn’s skin. 

 

Zayn skitters down the bed so he’s lying down, Liam following his movements and placing himself on top of Zayn. They continue to kiss and Zayn grabs Liam’s waist trying to pull him closer. 

It’s not very heated, it’s more of a lazy kiss, all about being close to each other and feeling each other’s bodies. 

But it’s nice. Zayn likes this. It’s a lot different from what he’s used to. 

 

Zayn opens his mouth, allowing Liam access to slide in his tongue. Zayn has always been good at kissing and at moving his body, he’s very well aware of that, so he’s not surprised when Liam moans as Zayn rolls his hips into Liam’s. 

 

He intensifies his grip on Zayn’s waist, his fingers digging into his sides, showing his rough side to Zayn. He moans and wraps his arms around Liam’s neck, rolling his hips into Liam again. 

 

Liam’s hands travel up and down his body, staying right at the curve where Zayn’s hips end and his ass begins. Then he pulls back, leaving Zayn pouting and begging for more. 

Zayn gets what he wants when Liam places soft kisses on Zayn’s jaw, slowly traveling down to his neck. He begins to suck right under Zayn’s eye and Zayn feels so hot and turned on it’s beginning to drive him crazy. 

 

Zayn lets out a load moan as Liam pushes back into Zayn’s hips, rolling his body into Zayn’s and meeting his rhythm. 

 

It all feels too good. 

 

Liam pushes himself up completely so he’s now sitting on top of Zayn and takes of his shirt, granting Zayn a very nice view of a toned and muscular torso. His mouth begins to water and he sets himself up by his elbows and slowly begins to kiss Liam’s abs. 

 

Liam only stares at him, checks flushed and looking all ready to wreck Zayn but Zayn only continues, stretching himself to reach Liam’s chest and leaving hot trails of wet kisses on Liam’s upper body. They make eye contact and Zayn can see how dark Liam’s pupils are, it would be scary if it wasn’t so fucking hot. 

 

Suddenly, Liam surges forward as if he’s had enough of Zayn’s teasing and grabs his wrists with one hand, holding them still and tight on top of Zayn’s head. The other hand is wrapped around Zayn’s throat, pressing only slightly, enough to show Zayn who’s in control but not enough to hurt him. 

 

Zayn is so hard, it’s crazy. It’s like Liam knows all of his guilty pleasures, all of the things that turn him on and he’s doing all of them to make Zayn go mental. 

 

They kiss again, hips rolling in a perfect rhythm and moaning into each other’s mouths, until suddenly- 

 

Liam’s phone is ringing. 

 

Zayn grunts and tries to push Liam off him, but Liam’s not having any of that. 

 

Liam only continues to rock his hips down into Zayn and hold his wrists above his head. He’s completely ignoring the phone. 

 

After it has stopped ringing, Zayn sighs, only to be met with the phone making noises once again. It seems to be urgent. 

 

Now it’s Liam’s turn to grunt and he pushes himself up, looking for his bag and grabbing his phone. 

He answers the call. 

 

„Yes?“, he sounds completely out of breath and ready to murder whoever is on the phone. 

 

„What? Fuck, is it that late already? Yeah… Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m on my way. I’m sorry, Louis. I’ll be there soon, see you in a minute.“

 

Liam hangs up and looks at Zayn like he’s contemplating wether he should leave or stay. 

 

„I want to stay so badly but Louis will kill me if I don’t show up to football practice.“

 

Zayn only smirks. „It’s okay. I can get off now, you’ll have two hours to play with a hard on.“

 

Liam laughs and slowly surges forward again, chasing Zayn’s lips in a sweet and slow kiss. 

 

Zayn smiles into the kiss, feeling light and warm. Then he shoves Liam’s shoulder and tries to push him off him. 

 

„Go now, I don’t want Louis to be mad at you.“ 

 

Liam gives him a pout, looking like a puppy asking for a cuddle. „I don’t know if can come back after practice, I might be dead. See you tomorrow?“

 

Zayn raises an eyebrow. „We had an agreement. No contact in school. Your words, not mine.“ 

 

Liam nods and sighs. „Right. I’ll drive you home tomorrow, so don’t skip again.“

 

Zayn smiles and gives him another nudge. „Go.“

 

He gets up from the bed, grabs his shirt and puts it back on and shoulders his bag. Then he heads to the door and just as he’s about to leave, he turns around with the dirtiest smirk and says 

 

„Think of me when you get off.“ 

 

And boy, how Zayn does.

 

 

————————

 

This time, Zayn doesn’t get his hopes up. He knows that Liam’ll ignore him the whole day and as soon as their in private, he’ll be all over his body just like yesterday. 

 

Zayn knows their agreement and he’s starting to be okay with it. 

 

He’s sitting in art, working on his painting just as Harry enters the room and slouches down next to Zayn. 

 

„Hello Zayn.“, he greets him with the loveliest smile, dimples on full display and messy curls styled up in a nice quiff. 

 

Zayn smiles back and waves at him. „Hi Harry.“

 

„You alright? You look kinda happy.“ 

 

Zayn nods and puts a blue line on his painting. „Yeah, I’m good. How `bout you?“ 

 

Harry sighs. „I don’t know. I love my friends but they can be so exhausting sometimes. All they ever do is talk about girls and football.“

 

Zayn grins. 

 

„And today Louis wouldn’t shut up about Liam being late to footie practice yesterday. He was so mad. I just don’t understand, they practice four times a week, why does it matter when one of them is ten minutes late?“

Zayn laughs at that and shrugs. „I totally agree.“ 

 

„To make it up Liam had to agree to talk to Sophia again. How stupid is that, Zayn? They broke up a few months ago and Louis is still trying to get them back together. Boys are stupid, man.“ 

 

Zayn feels frozen. Liam would talk to his super hot, gorgeous ex girlfriend Sophia? To make up? He feels like throwing up. Where does this jealousy come from? He never feels jealous? Why does he feel like punching Sophia, then Louis and then Liam? This is completely new to him. 

 

He tries to swallow his bad feelings and clears his throat. „We’re boys too, Harry.“ 

 

„Yeah, but we’re smart. We’re different. We have sense.“ 

 

Zayn laughs but it comes out bitter. „Yeah, we’re smart.“ 

 

Zayn doesn’t feel smart however. He feels dumb. He feels stupid for feeling jealous over a boy, who doesn’t want to officially date him, who’s probably going to get back together with his hot ex girlfriend. 

 

Zayn sighs and looks at Harry. „Do you ever feel jealous?“ 

 

Harry looks at him for a very long time before he answers. „All the time.“

 

„How do you deal with that?“

 

„You don’t. You just continue to carry the feeling in your chest as it slowly eats you up. And then you either get over the person and move on or you tell them how you feel and go from there.“ 

 

Now it’s Zayn’s turn to stare at Harry intensely and he’s almost surprised at how wise and true Harry’s words are. 

 

 

——————

 

Zayn really really tries not to be salty when he opens the door to Liam’s car and sits down in the passengers seat, but his voice gives his emotions away anyway. He’s like an open book, he can’t hide his emotions for shit. 

 

„Hey Love.“, Liam says and smiles at him, starting to drive of the parking lot. 

 

Zayn clears his throat. „Hey.“

 

„Are you okay?“, Liam asks and gives him a side glance. 

 

„Yes. And you?“

 

He raises a surprised eyebrow at Zayn’s tone but doesn’t comment. „Yeah I’m good. I had a bit of a trouble with Louis, but it’s all good now.“

 

„That’s good. So how’s Sophia?“, Zayn asks and he hates himself but he can’t help it. 

 

Liam’s eyes shoot open, looking completely caught off guard and he looks at Zayn surprised. „Why?“ 

 

„I heard you were going to talk to her. To make things up.“, Zayn says but he realizes how dumb that sounds and how much like a jealous girlfriend he’s behaving so he bites his tongue and clears his throat again. „Sorry, it’s none of my business. How was your day? Did you have to work harder than the other guys yesterday at training?“ 

 

Liam looks at him for a while before he answers carefully. „My day was alright. I had maths and Mr. Cole is always really nice to me, I don’t know why, maybe because I play football. Training was okay, it was harder then normal but I needed that yesterday.“

 

He waits for a short beat. „Are you sure you’re alright?“

 

Zayn sighs. „Yeah, I’m sorry.“

 

„Where did that question with Sophia come from?“ 

 

He shakes his head and fumbles with his hands. „It’s not important. I’m acting crazy, let’s not talk about this.“

Liam only looks at him. „I don’t know what to do. I can see this is bothering you, but I don’t want to push you and make you talk about something you don’t wanna talk about. But I also don’t want to make you feel like I don’t care about your feelings because I do.“ 

 

Zayn looks at Liam and smiles softly. He really needs to get himself together. They had an agreement that they would see each other and kiss and spend time together but nothing more. They weren’t a couple and Zayn didn’t have any right to feel jealous or whatever. 

 

So he only shakes his head and grabs Liam’s hand, placing a soft kiss on top and biting his lip. „It’s okay. I’ll tell you when I want to talk about it. I was just … I don’t know. I’m very emotional. Sorry.“

 

Liam shakes his head and squeezes his hand tightly. „Don’t apologize.“ 

 

„So!“, Zayn says, trying to sound cheerful. „Any plans for today?“ 

 

Liam grins. „My parents are not at home.“ 

 

——————

„Okay, when you said you’re parent’s weren’t at home I didn’t expect you to want to take a shower with me.“, Zayn states staring at the huge shower in Liam’s bathroom doubtfully. 

„Trust me, you’ll love it.“, Liam says, already beginning to undress himself. 

Zayn only stares. He doesn’t really want to get naked and have a shower, but he does want to be close to Liam. 

 

Once Liam’s naked, he steps into the shower, letting hot water run over himself and making his whole torso wet and shiny. 

 

Zayn licks his lips. He doesn’t have any self control when it comes to that boy anyway so he starts to undress himself too, getting rid of his jeans, boxers and shirt. 

 

He steps into the shower and is met with a hot stream of water. He closes his eyes and lets his muscles relax, feeling at ease. 

 

Zayn feels how Liam wraps his arms around his body and he relaxes against his chest, feeling calm. 

 

Liam slowly begins to kiss his neck, a shiver running down Zayn’s spine and he can feel himself getting turned on steadily. 

 

He turns around and simply looks at Liam. Beautiful, handsome Liam who can be so soft and gentle with him but also so rough and tough. 

 

They start to kiss. Liam pushes Zayn against the shower wall, pressing his whole body into Zayn’s.

 

Zayn can feel every inch of Liam’s body and digs his nails into his muscular biceps, kissing Liam back seductively and passionately turning off his mind completely and letting his body do all the work. 

 

He can feel Liam pressing into his leg and he moans loudly, needing Liam to properly touch him.

 

„Touch me.“, Zayn moans into Liam’s mouth and he feels so hot all over his body, he knows he will go crazy if Liam won’t touch him now. „Please.“ 

 

Liam seems to hesitate for a moment. Zayn kisses his jaw as to give him some kind of motivation and then Liam wraps his hand around Zayn’s length, slowly running his hand up and down. Zayn can feel how unsure and inexperienced Liam feels but he doesn’t need to. It’s enough for Zayn to already feel close. 

 

„Liam, don’t stop.“, Zayn breathes out and grabs his Bicep even tighter, the other hand finds Liam’s hair and pulls his face towards his neck. 

 

Liam bites his neck, licking the soft skin right under his ear and then, just as he flicks his wrist, Zayn comes all over Liam’s hand, feeling breathless and dizzy. 

 

After a few moments of recovering, Zayn’s eager to return the favor, grabs Liam’s hard on and begins to stroke down his length, trying to be extra slow and sensual. 

 

Liam moans, looking like a hot mess, and Zayn can feel himself already getting hard again just by looking at the hot young man in front of him. 

 

He grabs the wall, cornering Zayn completely and lets out little curses under his breath and Zayn can only stare at Liam. 

 

He looks so hot and so beautiful, water running down his face and eyes scrunched up and mouth formed in an o-shape, lust and pleasure vibrating from his body Zayn feels lost. 

 

And just as Liam comes, he opens his eyes staring right back at Zayn, dark chocolate ones into light hazel brown ones, and Zayn feels so utterly fucked and screwed right then and there.

 

He’s beginning to fall for him.

 

—————————

 

After they had stepped out of the shower and had dried themselves up, Zayn and Liam get dressed again and Zayn feels weird. 

 

The realization that he begins to develop feelings for Liam scare him and make him feel uneasy. He knew that this was coming, that’s why he was so against the whole thing in the first place, but now that he’s here, feelings already there and only getting stronger there’s no going back.

 

Liam seems tense and uneasy, not saying a word as he rubs a towel through his hair and puts his phone into his charger. 

 

Zayn simply stands in the room, unsure of what to say or what to do. Did he do something wrong? Did Liam not like it? 

 

Liam doesn’t look up from his phone as he says „I’m going over to Louis’. I need to prepare a presentation with him for chemistry.“

 

Zayn feels awful. He just exposed his entire body to Liam, only to be turned down and kicked out seconds after. He feels used and gross and he regrets giving in to Liam. He hates himself for feeling like this, hates himself for allowing this to happen. But he can’t change it, it’s his own fault and he’s the one to deal with the horrible feeling now. 

 

Zayn clears his throat. „Um.. yeah - I .. will leave then.. See you tomorrow.“ 

 

Zayn stays in the room for a little bit longer, waits for Liam to do anything, say anything, maybe apologize or laugh and say it was just a joke, or maybe saying goodbye. But he doesn’t. He just continues to look at his phone, not giving any attention to Zayn. 

 

Zayn feels like throwing up. He feels tears forming in his eyes, turns around and leaves Liam’s room. 

 

———————

 

Zayn sits at home in the kitchen, a tea standing in front of him on the table. His whole body is slouched down and he feels like a wreck. 

 

„Zayn, love, are you okay?“, his mum asks and gives him a concerned look.

„No.“, Zayn mumbles and looks up at his mum. 

 

„Do you want to talk about it?“ 

 

Zayn nods. „It’s a boy.“

 

„When is it not?“, Trisha sighs and sits down next to Zayn. She hands him a cookie, which Zayn gladly accepts and he begins to explain the situation to her. 

 

„He’s really nice, sweet, caring and hot and he seems to be really into me. But he always thought he was straight but now that he’s met me, he’s not sure about anything anymore and he’s still trying to figure out what he wants and I think it’s not me. He’s super sweet and loving one second but really cold and rejecting the other. I don’t know what to do. It’s messing with my head. And my heart.“

 

Trisha sighs and runs a hand through Zayn’s hair. „Oh, honey. A boy should never make you feel like you’re not wanted. But I don’t think this has anything to do with you. He’s just going through a difficult time, trying to find himself and becoming okay with liking boys. That’s not an easy thing to do. However, it’s not an excuse to treat you badly.“

 

Zayn looks at his mum and feels a bit better. He really loves her. „So what should I do?“

 

„You have to choose between waiting for him to be ready and risking of getting hurt along that way or staying away from him and not do anything with him in order to not get hurt.“

 

„But I’ll be hurt either way, Mum.“

 

„Then the answer is pretty clear, isn’t it?“ 

 

And Zayn guesses it is. There’s no chance to stay away from Liam, he’s already in too deep. He might as well carry on now and see where things are heading. 

 

———————

 

So the next day in school, Zayn is willing to not think about Liam’s strange behavior and hopes that he’s picking him up again and then everything’ll be fine. 

This thought kind of carries him throughout the day, helping him to survive Maths, Biology and History. He ends up sooner than expected in his last break before his last lesson for the day and just as he’s walking towards the boy’s toilets he sees a familiar brown haired muscular man talking to a gorgeous girl with brown long hair. 

 

Liam and Sophia. 

 

Zayn tries to get closer to them without them noticing and hides in the classroom closest to them. He leaves the door open and he hopes it’ll be close enough to hear what they’re talking about. 

 

„..miss you and our time together.“ That was Liam. 

 

„I want to try this again.“ Again Liam. 

 

„Maybe you can give us another chance.“ Liam. 

 

She giggles. „Liam, I thought you didn’t love me anymore? This is really surprising to me.“

 

„I know, but I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. I know this sounds stupid, but I really want to be with you. Are you coming to Louis’ party tomorrow?“

 

„Yeah, I’ll be there.“, she says and suddenly there’s a group of people walking down the corridor, making it impossible for Zayn to hear anything else. 

 

He feels sick. How could he be so stupid? He let Liam use him and his body, he was fooled by his cute puppy eyes and innocent smile and his gentle behavior, but it was all lies. 

 

Zayn can’t believe he actually fell for Liam. He always thought he’d be the smart one, that something like that would never happen to him but he’s right here, hiding like a pathetic creep in a classroom, crying over a boy who doesn’t feel the same over him and feeling all fed up by it. 

 

He exists the classroom, not caring wether Liam can see him or not and walks to the boys’ toilets. He opens the door with so much force, he’s surprised he didn’t break it and then walks over to the mirrors and sinks and stares at his flushed face. He can’t believe how stupid he is. 

 

Just as he’s calmed down a tiny bit, the door opens again and of fucking course is faced with Liam. 

 

„Fuck you.“ 

 

„Let me explain.“

 

„No, Fuck you, Liam. Fuck you so much.“, Zayn shouts and he doesn’t care about anyone hearing them. They should. They should all hear how much of a dick Liam is. 

 

Liam locks the door, turns around and walks straight up to Zayn. He pushes him against the sink, grabs his face roughly with his hands and presses his lips to Zayn’s. 

 

Zayn punches his chest, trying to get away from him, but it’s useless, Liam is so much stronger than Zayn and even if Zayn really wanted to get away from Liam, he would never be able to get away from his strong grip. 

 

Zayn sighs and gives in, lets Liam touch him and roam over his body like it belongs to him completely. It probably does. 

 

They kiss like fire, there’s nothing sweet or gentle about it, just anger and hate. Liam puts his hands under Zayn’s ass and pulls him up, making him wrap his legs around Liam’s torso and pushes him against the wall. 

 

Zayn moans and runs a hand through his hair, grabbing it tight and making Liam moan in return. 

 

He knows he should push Liam away. He knows he should tell him to stop, tell him to fuck himself and never talk to him again. It’s just that he’s weak. He can’t resist, no matter how hard he tries. So he doesn’t. 

Zayn lets the brown haired boy with the wonderful smile and innocent eyes use him and his body, lets him play with his heart and mind and allows him to hurt Zayn. 

 

Liam pulls back and rests his forehead against Zayn’s, eyes closed and breathing ragged and heavy. 

 

„Come to Louis’ party tomorrow.“ 

 

„Are you fucking mental?“, Zayn spits and tries to get away from Liam’s touch. He jumps away from his arms and puts a healthy distance between them. 

 

„Please. I need you to be there.“, Liam says and he looks so honest and vulnerable, Zayn almost believes him. 

 

„Why? You have Sophia, you don’t need me.“ 

 

„I always need you. That’s the whole fucking problem.“, Liam shouts, face red and angry and he turns around, pulls at his hair and tries to calm himself down. 

 

Zayn’s taken aback and doesn’t know what to say for a moment. 

 

„I should want her, but I don’t. I want you, only you, no one else. It’s just so fucking difficult, okay? I feel like I’m loosing my mind.“, Liam explains, voice raw and broken, and Trisha’s words begin to ring in his ears. 

 

He’s just going through a difficult time, trying to find himself and becoming okay with liking boys. That’s not an easy thing to do.

 

„That’s not an excuse to treat me badly, though.“, Zayn pushes sadly and he suddenly feels tears forming in his eyes. 

 

Why is he - in all moments he could become emotional - becoming emotional now?

 

He sees Liam’s face fall just as Zayn turns around, facing the wall and hugging himself. He hates crying. He doesn’t cry very often, but when he does he always feels stupid and embarrassed for it and now is even worse. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Liam. It’s the last thing he wants to do, but he can’t help it. He just feels so hurt.

„Fuck. Zayn, babe. I’m so sorry.“, Liam whispers and suddenly, Zayn feels how he’s wrapping his huge arms around Zayn’s entire body from behind. 

 

Soft sobs are escaping his mouth and he tries to stop, but he can’t. The tears are falling down his cheeks. 

 

„Go away. Just leave, you’re making it worse.“, Zayn pushes out through broken sobs, shaking his body in order to get Liam of him. 

 

Liam doesn’t have any of that though. He only strengthens his grip around Zayn and whispers soothing sounds into his hear, trying to calm him down and make him feel better. 

 

Zayn feels tired and used and dirty and he can’t put up with fighting Liam any longer, so he gives in, slumps into Liam’s arms and places his face against Liam’s chest. 

 

„This is all my fault. I’m so focused on how I’m feeling I didn’t even think about you. I’m sorry.“ 

 

And Zayn believes him. It’s stupid but he does. He does believe him. The tears become less and less and Zayn actually manages to breathe normally again. 

 

Liam places a soft kiss on Zayn’s forehead, grabs his face in his hands and makes him look up at Liam. He’s staring at Zayn’s face, checking if he’s okay and runs his thumbs below Zayn’s eyes, wiping away the tears. 

 

„Even when you’re crying you’re beautiful.“, Liam whispers and his eyes shine so brightly, Zayn thinks he goes blind. 

„Don’t say that.“ , he mumbles. 

 

„It’s the truth. Please come tomorrow.“ 

 

 Zayn shakes his head. „That’s the last thing I wanna do.“

 

„Please.“

 

„Why?“

 

„It’ll help me to figure things out. And you can meet some of my friends. Louis’ parties are really great, you’ll have fun.“ 

 

Zayn only stares at Liam for a moment. He hates parties. What he hates even more are typical teenage footballer parties which only the coolest kids attend who get drunk of their asses and puke all over the floor. 

 

But as he’s looking at Liam, who so desperately looks at him back, begging him silently to come, he knows he can’t deny him anything. He’d do anything for that boy. 

 

So he hesitantly nods. 

 

——————

 

Zayn doesn’t know why he agreed to go to this stupid party. He feels anxious and terrible, but mostly angry at himself for letting Liam play with him like that. 

It’s so obvious he doesn’t genuinely care about him. Maybe Liam likes him and finds him inspiring but that’s not enough to stop hurting Zayn’s feelings and play with him. 

 

He spends his breaks with Perrie from Theatre and tries to get his mind off of Liam and that party but it doesn’t really work. 

 

He’s just feeling so out of place, his thoughts constantly wandering to scenarios of what might could happen. 

 

If Perrie notices, she doesn’t mention it and just continues to talk about the makeup for their next big play.

„And then I thought we should just take false eyelashes, since I’m the biggest fan of them and I had Cher and Jade on board with me but Eleanor and Danielle were completely against it and I could cry. I mean, it would’ve looked so wonderful.“, Perrie complains while brushing her hair. 

 

Zayn nods and just stares at her, not really paying attention to what she’s saying. He feels terrible for not listening to her but she knows him well enough by now to know how moody Zayn can be and that it’s the best to not mention it and simply carry on. 

 

He’s very grateful for that. 

 

„You know, maybe I should just become a makeup-artist. I think that would be amazing for me. Don’t you think?“, she asks and gives his shoulder a gentle nudge. 

 

Zayn tries to give her a genuine grin and nods. „I think you could pull that off, yeah. Maybe even Rihanna.“ 

 

„Especially Rihanna.“, She laughs and it makes Zayn feel a little bit better about himself. 

 

He really needs to pull himself together. It’s not like Liam will declare his undying love for Zayn tonight and will come out to the whole football team. He’ll probably ignore him again and then apologize afterwards and be all over his body. 

 

„Okay, I really need to go to Biology now.“, Perrie states, gets up and shoulders her bag. 

 

Just as she’s about to leave, she turns around and gives Zayn a very intimate and soft smile. „Whatever’s bothering you - you’ll find a way to figure it out.“

 

Zayn wishes he could believe her. He really does. But for some reason, he’s lost all his hope with Liam. 

 

He sighs as he’s watching her leave and then decides to get up as well and head to his next class, which is (thank god) art. 

 

That’s exactly what he needs right now. 

 

Zayn’s walking down the corridor, trying to fade out all the laughter and voices around him, just as he hears one special laugh, a laugh he thought was reserved only for him. Seems like that’s another thing he was wrong about. 

 

He quickly glances to left and sees Liam, happy as ever, stand in a group of guys and a few girls, talking and chatting about god knows what and not even realizing that Zayn’s standing almost next to him. 

 

Zayn sighs again, tries to swallow the uncomfortable feeling building in his stomach and forces himself not to think about how that feeling will probably follow him the whole party. Liam standing with his popular friends while Zayn will be totally alone. 

 

Once he sits down at his usual seat, he immediately starts to paint and focuses on his art as much as he can. He needs a distraction. 

 

Thank god that distraction comes along just as Harry enters the room. 

 

„Hey Zayn.“, Harry greets him and slumps down into the seat next to him. 

 

„Hey man, how’s it going?“, he asks and has already paint on his fingers. He’s trying his hardest not to show Harry how out of place he’s feeling. It’s one thing to be moody around Perrie because she’s used to it but Harry isn’t and he doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. 

 

„It’s all alright, how’re you?“, Harry answers as he puts out his colors and prepares his easel.

 

As Harry is busy trying to save his miserable painting, Zayn stares at him and an idea pops into his mind. 

He’s not friends with Harry. They only talk in art and that’s it. But he likes him and Harry’s good friends with Liam and Louis. Maybe he’ll be at Louis’ party tonight and maybe he’ll be nice enough to hang out with him in case he ends up completely alone. 

He’d have to buy Harry some chocolate or something. He bites his lip and pushes himself to just go for it and ask. 

 

„Yeah, I’m good. Hey, are you going to Louis’ party tonight?“, Zayn asks to Harry’s surprise. Harry raises his eyebrows and looks at him, probably not having expected this kind of question. 

He doesn’t blame him at all. He’s surprised himself. 

 

„Yeah, probably. Why? Are you going?“, he asks.

 

„Yeah, I was planning on going.“ 

 

„I didn’t know you knew each other, to be honest. No offence, but Louis usually only hangs around with the sports people and the assholes.“, Harry explains and Zayn grins.

 

He loves how honest Harry is and that he doesn’t try to make things prettier than they actually are. 

Now is the time to explain a few things to Harry. This is awkward. 

 

Zayn blushes and looks away. „I… um.. I know Liam and he asked me to come along. I don’t know anyone there except him and you so ..“

„I’ll make sure you won’t be alone.“, Harry states and gives him a warm smile.

 

Zayn could kiss him right there. He knows that one of Harry’s strongest abilities is to feel how other people are feeling and to make sure that they’re feeling comfortable and it literally saves Zayn’s life. 

 

Now that he knows that he has Harry in case everything goes shit, he feels a lot better about the whole damn party. 

 

————————

 

Zayn is sweating. He’s socially awkward and suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. He rarely goes out and he doesn’t like to put himself into situations where he doesn’t know anyone and where he’s forced to interact a lot. 

Which is exactly what he’s forced to do right now. 

He’s standing in front of Louis’ house, music blasting through the whole street already and people standing in the garden, shouting out of windows and making so much fucking noise. 

 

He feels like he’s being put into the project X movie and takes a deep breath. 

 

He needs to smoke. 

 

So he pulls out his cigarettes, puts one into his mouth and lights it up. As the smoke begins to fill his lungs he starts to relax a bit and he wishes he could just get high right now and smoke the joints he has in his pocket but he made an agreement to himself to go to the party sober and check how things are and then go from there. 

 

That’s why he stomps out the cigarette once he’s finished and makes his way towards the front door. He knows he’s looking good tonight. He styled his hair in a quiff and put on his black jeans jacket, dark skinny jeans with holes on his knees, black boots and a band shirt. It doesn’t help him to feel confident though. 

He pushes the door open and gets inside, being met with tons of people and loud music ringing in his ears. 

 

Zayn doesn’t know anyone. 

 

He figures the easiest way to find Liam is to just head to the kitchen and start from there, because that’s where the cool kids are, right? 

 

Once he steps into the kitchen, he sees a blonde guy shouting obnoxiously loud through the whole room, giving out drinks to random people walking by. 

 

Just as he turns around, Zayn recognizes him. It’s Niall, best friend of Harry.

 

And Niall seems to recognize him too. „ZAYN!“ 

Zayn tenses and looks at Niall, simply waves and already tries to leave the kitchen as Niall grabs his arm and pulls him back. 

 

„Mate, what’s up? You good? You WILL be good once you had a drink of mine. Here ya go. Try it.“ 

 

Niall pushes a drink in a red cup into his hand and Zayn eyes it with doubt in his eyes. He’s not a drinker. He prefers smoking but he shrugs and takes a small sip just to try. The liquid is very sweet and tastes like orange, coconut and vodka and Zayn figures it’s good enough to get him going and feel a little more easy so he continues to drink. 

 

„Hey Niall, have you seen Liam?“, Zayn shouts into Niall’s ear and Niall seems like he’s thinking about this for a little while. 

 

„I think I saw him upstairs in Louis’ sister’s room. It’s the third room on the right.“, Niall says and claps him on his back. 

 

Zayn gives him a smile and a thumbs up and makes his way towards the stairs. He takes two steps at a time and once he’s upstairs he quickly finds the room Niall had described to him.

 

He takes a deep breath, pushes the door open and - 

 

his heart sinks right then and there. He’s frozen on the spot, simply staring at a half naked Liam making out with some dark blonde girl. He can’t see wether it’s Sophia, it could be, but he doesn’t care, he’s just so so fucking hurt. 

 

Liam pulls back from the girl and looks at Zayn, looking him straight in the eye, but his eyes are so red and his cheeks are flushed, and he’s so drunk, he probably doesn’t even recognize Zayn or he doesn’t register what’s going on. 

 

„Fuck you.“, Zayn grits out, turns around and slams the door shut. 

 

He makes his way downstairs again, tears ready to run down his cheeks, but he won’t give Liam the satisfaction that he made him cry at the most popular party of the entire school. 

Zayn needs to get high. Or drunk. But high is better. 

 

He’s searching the room for a good place, decides that the best place will probably be the windowsill in the corner of the living room and heads there. 

 

Zayn settles down, opens the window and pulls out his joint, lighting it up and takes his first blow. 

 

He doesn’t want to think, feel or do anything anymore. He doesn’t even want to go home. He feels so used and so dumb and the worst thing is he should’ve known.  
He knew right from the start that he should have said no to Liam. It could never have worked out but he still gave it a try, and now he’s sitting on a windowsill, lonely and high and angry and hates himself so much, he wants to crawl into bed and sleep forever. 

 

He continues to smoke, the noise of the room slowly fading out and everything becoming blurry. 

Suddenly a figure makes his way towards him, but Zayn doesn’t register who it is until Harry’s standing right in front of him. 

 

„Hey.“, he begins but doesn’t say anything else as soon as he sees Zayn’s sad face. It’s funny how pathetic this whole thing is. 

„I shouldn’t have come.“ is all Zayn answers as he exhales a cloud of smoke. He should just go home already. He doesn’t belong here. 

 

„Yeah me neither.“, Harry mumbles and looks out of the window. „Why are you so pissed?“

It’s probably because he’s high but Zayn suddenly begins talking. He usually never speaks very much. And he never tells strangers how he really, genuinely feels. He doesn’t like talking about it, end of story. 

 

But he needs to talk about it right now, because he’s high, and he’s frustrated and it’s Harry. 

„It’s Liam, yeah? It’s always fuckin’ Liam. I always give in and let him touch me and kiss me just to have him ignore me the next day in school because of his reputation and his status and ‚No I’m not gay and I don’t like boys, I’m totally straight and into chics and boobs. And I always feel used and dirty and shit, okay? And I thought this time would be different. He actually invited me to this stupid fucking party and I come here just to meet a fucking shitfaced Liam sucking lips with a blonde girl.“

 

Harry touches Zayn’s arm slightly and gives him a warm smile. „I know how you feel.“

 

Zayn’s eyes shoot open and he gives Harry a questioning look.

 

„Louis.“ is all Harry says and fuck. 

 

Zayn never, in his entire life, would have thought that Harry was into Louis. 

Yeah, they were really close friends but Zayn didn’t even know Harry was into dudes and Louis must be the most straightest guy in the whole school. 

 

But again, he used to think the same thing about Liam and see how wrong he was about that. 

 

He looks at Harry and yeah, he’s high, but he suddenly realizes how amazing Harry is. He’s kind and gentle and caring and he kept his promise to look after Zayn. 

 

And he’s really attractive. 

 

And right now Harry seems to notice Zayn too. 

 

„Do you wanna dance?“, Harry asks and Zayn begins to blush.

 

„I can’t dance, Harry.“, he simply says and throws his joint out of the window. 

 

Harry laughs and it sounds so nice and bright, it makes Zayn feel a little warmer. Harry grabs his hand, pulls him away from the window and towards the crowded dance floor full with sweaty people and grinding couples and stops right in the middle of the dance floor, close to Zayn. 

 

„Just move with me.“, Harry shouts over the music and pulls Zayn closer by his waist. 

 

They begin to sway slightly until Zayn gets more confident and starts to roll his hips a bit. Harry grins and gives him an encouraging nudge. 

Zayn can’t believe they’re doing this. Just seconds ago, Zayn was all depressed, sitting alone next to a window and now he’s dancing with Harry, feeling hot and sweaty. 

 

They are so close, bodies touching everywhere, hips rolling and building up a steady rhythm. They’re both sweating but he doesn’t care. This is so hot. 

 

His mind doesn’t think straight, he’s clearly high, horny and feels nothing but lust. He doesn’t think about Liam. He doesn’t think about his broken heart. He doesn’t think about Liam.

 

All he’s thinking about is Harry, Harry, Harry and his pretty lips. 

 

And then they’re kissing.

 

It’s not sweet. 

 

It’s rough. 

And it’s completely different to how Liam’s kissed him. 

Zayn’s biting Harry’s lip, pulling him even closer than before, Harry grabs his waist and tries to dominate the kiss, but it’s almost a fight. They’re both trying to get their minds off the people they love, and it’s working. 

 

Harry sighs into Zayn’s mouth and they’re kissing and licking each other’s lips, tongue on tongue and it’s enough, enough for Zayn to feel less tense until -

 

Zayn is being pushed away from Harry and suddenly there’s a loud shout and people are forming a small circle around them and Zayn doesn’t understand what’s going on until he realizes that Louis, being furious, is shouting at Zayn, pulling him up by his sweater and he’s so angry, his face is starting to get red. 

Zayn doesn’t understand a single word Louis is saying, he’s way too high and way too confused but he doesn’t panic. 

If Louis hits him, he’ll probably start laughing or something. It would only be the cherry on the cake of this stupid horrible evening. 

To make things even worse Liam suddenly steps out of the crowd into their small circle and pushes Louis away from Zayn and now they’re shouting at each other, but Zayn can’t hear a damn thing because the music is so loud and is mind is dizzy and his ears are ringing and it’s all too much.

 

And then Louis storms off, grabbing Harry’s hand and making his way upstairs. 

 

People begin to realize that there won’t be a fight anytime soon, so they slowly break away and get back to dancing, kissing, drinking or whatever they were doing. 

 

Liam turns around, takes Zayn in his hand and pushes him out the door. 

 

Zayn just follows him, doesn’t have the power to resist or to fight. He’s so tired of this. 

 

Liam opens his car door, pushes Zayn into the passenger seat, walks around the car and sits down himself. 

 

It’s quiet and it’s weird and Zayn feels blurry and disconnected. Therefore he jumps almost ten feet into the air when Liam hits the steering wheal with so much force, he’s surprised he didn’t break it. 

 

„FUCK.“, Liam shouts and his whole body is tense. 

 

Zayn can’t help it. He begins to giggle. „Calm down, Tarzan.“

 

Liam looks up at him, his whole face red and angry. „Do you think this is funny?!“

 

„…I’m high, so yeah.“, Zayn answers and giggles again. 

 

Liam looks at him in disbelief. „I can’t believe you fucking kissed him.“

 

„I could say the same to you.“, Zayn answers and Liam looks at him for a few seconds with a blank face expression. 

 

„Zayn…“, he begins but Zayn interrupts him. 

 

„I’m tired. I don’t believe in you and me, never have and never will. You’re not ready, you’re still trying to figure yourself out and jesus, do that. Really, honestly. That’s important. But you’re hurting me in the process and the worst thing is you probably don’t even do it on purpose. If you did, you would at least think about my feelings. But you don’t. You just don’t care. But I care. I care so fucking much and I can’t continue doing this anymore because it fucks me up.“

 

Liam is silent. They listen to their breaths and to the loud music for a little while until Liam finally speaks up. 

 

„I’m sorry for everything. I know it’s not enough but I am. And no matter how hard I try to push my feelings away and tell myself they’re not there it won’t change how I feel about you. Everytime I see you my heart just beats like crazy, I feel all excited and I just wanna kiss you and touch you. It drives me crazy. I can’t leave you alone, I need you. I need you in my life, need you close to me.“ 

 

„Then show me.“, Zayn says and he already regrets his words. He was willing to tell Liam to leave him alone, not to encourage him to continue trying. 

 

Liam starts the car and drives off.

 

„Liam, aren’t you drunk?“, Zayn asks slightly shocked. 

 

„Only had one beer.“

 

„So I can’t even blame it on the alcohol? You were fully aware while making out with that chic? Jesus, I’m literally the dumbest person on planet earth.“ 

Liam shakes his head. „No, you’re not. I am. I was trying to show myself that I could still get off with a girl. That boobs still turned me on.“ 

 

„…And?“ 

 

„Didn’t work. All I could think about was you. Your lips. Your touch.“ 

 

Zayn shifts in his seat, his mind fighting his heart. He doesn’t know what to do. On one side, he wants to touch Liam and kiss him and feel his body, on the other hand, he wants Liam to leave him alone so he can finally get over him and be happy. He can’t do this tug of war any longer. 

 

„Liam…“ 

 

„Just give me one night. Please. I’ll leave you alone after that. Just one night with me.“ 

 

Zayn bites his lip and tries to form one clear thought in his cloudy hazed mind. He can’t. 

 

„Okay.“

 

—————————

 

They stumble into Liam’s room, grabbing each other desperately and kissing each other as if their life depended on it. Maybe it does. Zayn doesn’t know. 

 

Liam rips Zayn’s shirt off his body and places kisses all over his neck, chest and shoulders while they’re stumbling backwards towards the bed. 

 

They fall onto it, Liam catching himself just in time to not crash Zayn entirely but Zayn wouldn’t even have minded. He’s too focused on Liam.

 

Liam takes off his shirt and throws it away, not caring what happens with it and he stands up quickly, takes off his jeans as well as his boxers and then he’s standing fully naked in front of Zayn and Zayn just stares. 

Liam is so hot, muscles everywhere and breathing heavy, looking flustered and ready to wreck Zayn. He bites his lip as his eyes wanders down where Zayn can exactly see how much Liam wants him and Zayn can’t even lie. It makes him feel so good. 

 

Liam gets down on his knees and tries to take off Zayn’s jeans and Zayn has to giggle with how much Liam is struggling. It just makes this so much better and easier. 

Liam finally manages to get Zayn undressed and then he’s just staring at his naked body lying on the bed and Zayn closes his eyes, his thoughts running crazy and he just wants this so much he can’t breathe properly. 

 

Suddenly he feels Liam kiss his inner thighs and his stomach gets tense, every little cell in his body is ready to scream out of lust and he grabs the sheets to not buck his hips into Liam’s face. 

 

He can feel Liam’s grin right at his left hip bone where Liam’s teasing him, giving him soft hickeys right on his hips, thighs, and everywhere where it just feels good. 

 

It drives Zayn crazy. 

 

„I need you.“, Zayn breathes out and he can’t help it, he rolls his hips right when Liam licks his dick carefully. 

 

It’s so fucking slow, Liam’s being such a tease and Zayn turns mad. His vision becomes blurry out of lust, he begins to sweat and his whole body is trembling in need. 

 

„God, Liam, please. Need you so much.“, he moans and grabs Liam’s hair with one hand. 

 

Liam suddenly pulls away and Zayn has never groaned louder in his entire life. 

 

„Liam!“

 

Liam’s face is suddenly right in front of Zayn’s and he can literally see how much Liam wants this just by looking at his eyes. 

 

„I’m right here, babe.“, he whispers and presses a sweet kiss to his mouth. 

 

He rolls on a condom and lotions his dick and then, very slowly, he pushes into Zayn and Zayn swears he can see stars.

 

His eyes roll back and his whole back arches up, right into Liam, pressing his whole body into him. 

 

Liam grabs Zayn’s hands and holds them intertwined above Zayn’s head. He buries his head into Zayn’s neck and begins to lick his soft skin slowly as he rolls his hips into Zayn. 

 

It’s so sensual and so intimate, Zayn can’t help but think they’re making love. It’s not fucking, this is not even Sex. It’s so much emotion, so careful and so private. 

 

Maybe Zayn’s just blinded by Liam’s rolling hips but he’s never felt so good. 

 

He can feel his orgasm slowly building up, meeting Liam’s thrust every single time. They’re in perfect harmony, moving their bodies like soft waves. 

 

Liam moans and whispers sweet nothings into Zayn’s ear, biting his ear lobe every once in a while. „You’re so hot. So good just for me. Such a good boy. Fuck. Yes, right there. You’re so amazing. Keep going.“

 

Zayn moans and grabs his hands even tighter, almost breaking them, as Liam hits his sweet spot right there. 

 

He feels so hot all over his body, he has to release. Can’t hold it any longer. 

 

„I’m gonna come.“, Zayn moans.

„Come for me, babe.“

 

His body rolls into Liam one more time before he cums all over his stomach, a load moan escaping his throat. 

 

Liam cums right after, falling onto Zayn, being wrecked and tired and exhausted. 

 

After Zayn slowly comes down from his high, the sexual and the weed one, his thoughts begin to clear again and he starts to feel his tenseness in his stomach again. 

 

This was a mistake, he realizes just as Liam kisses his neck, sending sweet shivers down his spine. 

Now he’s officially in love with Liam. He has never felt like this during Sex before. It was always just an attractive boy, thrusting into him and then leaving. 

 

But Liam wraps his arms around Zayn’s body, holding him tight and leaving soft breaths on his skin. He can feel his heartbeat, can smell his scent (Vanilla with a hint of mint), can feel his soft stubbles on his neck, right where his face touches his skin. 

 

But Liam isn’t ready. He won’t be ready for a very long time, Zayn knows this. He knows Boys like this, they’re insecure and unsure of themselves, feeling anxious by everybody’s pressure on them and spending their time trying to please everyone. 

It will take Liam a long time before he can accept that he feels attracted towards Boys and Zayn knew he wouldn’t be strong enough to wait for him, knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with Liam’s insecurities and jumpiness, being nice and sweet to him in private but a total dick to him in public. 

But he had still tried, had pushed him to give this a chance, had tried to not become so emotional and get hurt. 

 

But Zayn is hurt. He is extremely hurt as he lies in Liam’s arms, knowing that Liam will never be truly his. 

 

Liam will always belong to football, to Louis and the cool kids in school. They’ll always hold him back and won’t let Liam be 100 percent Liam. 

 

And Zayn cannot deal with that. He simply can’t. 

 

So he waits until he hears Liam softly snoring and then removes his arms from his body and slowly, very carefully gets up. 

 

He looks for his clothes which are spread all over the room and picks them up, gets dressed and looks at Liam one more time. 

 

His throat feels like it’s tied up as he moves towards the bed, pushes Liam’s hair out of his face and places a soft kiss on the boy’s forehead he’s in love with. 

 

Zayn has to go. Right now. 

 

He forces himself to step back, turn around and leave the room. Leave Liam. 

 

————

 

He wakes up the next morning in his own room, feeling groggy and sleepy and absolutely horrible. 

He doesn’t want to face Liam, the world, his family, in fact the entire world ever again. 

 

Last night comes to his mind, how Liam touched him, thrusted into him and kissed him and Zayn groans, trying to push these thoughts away. 

They’re only hurting him. 

 

He gets up, throws on a sweater and makes his way downstairs. Zayn doesn’t even really realize where he’s going until he can smell the scent of pancakes. He makes his way towards the kitchen and pushes the door open.

 

Zayn’s mood lightens up a bit as he sees his mum standing in front of the oven, making a pile of pancakes. 

 

„Mum. I love you.“, Zayn states and walks up to his mum and hugs her from behind. 

She places a soft kiss onto his forehead and smiles. „I knew this would brighten up your day.“

 

Zayn frowns. „How do you know I’m in a bad mood?“

 

His mum clears her throat and turns one pancake around. „Well, you left your phone in the kitchen when you came home last night and it has rung non stop this morning. I saw a cute boy’s face on the screen and the name Liam, and I’m not dumb. I knew it had to be the boy you were talking about a few days ago and the only reason a boy would call at seven in the morning, continuing for hours is when there was a fight, so….“ 

 

„Argh.“, Zayn groans and sits down at the table. 

 

„Do you want to talk about it?“, his mum asks and places a plate full of pancakes and syrup in front of him. 

 

„It’s just… I really tried to be all casual and to be okay with this hiding and staying secret thing but it drives me crazy. I can’t deal with it. And I can’t deal with Liam being so undecided. I need things to be clear. And Liam simply cannot decide.“

 

Zayn’s mum just looks at him for a very long time as Zayn eats his pancakes. 

 

„You obviously like him. And he obviously likes you. You should talk to him one more time, hear what he’s got to say. And then you should go from there. Tell him you have feelings for him and that you can’t hide anymore. Tell him he has to decide. Don’t keep it in your head, he needs to know.“

 

„I don’t wanna talk to him.“, Zayn argues and he feels so childish and dumb. He knows that his mum’s right. She’s always right. 

 

„It’s your choice, I’m only giving you tips and telling you what I think you should do. Communication is key to everything.“

 

Zayn nods and finishes his pancakes. Then he gives himself a push, grabs his phone from the counter and takes a deep breath to calm his nerves. He unlocks the screen. 

 

32 missed Calls from Liam.

 

45 unread messages from Liam.

 

His mum wasn’t joking. 

 

Zayn, please pick up!!

I need to talk to you!!

 

Fuck, please don’t ignore me, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I really need to talk to you

 

Can I come over?

 

Please answer 

 

Zayn, can you come here, I need to give something to you, I want to show you that I’m serious, but I can’t carry it to your house, can you please come 

 

Zayn frowns at the last message and his thumb ghosts over the screen, unsure on what to say. 

 

The feeling he felt when he laid in Liam’s arms comes back to his mind and he bites his lip. He could feel like this every night if he gave Liam a last chance. 

 

Or he could feel like he felt when he opened the door and saw Liam hooking up with that girl.

 

„Do it.“, Zayn’s mum shouts from the living room and Zayn grins. He loves that woman.

 

I’m coming over 

 

Zayn replies and goes upstairs to get dressed. 

 

————————

 

Zayn’s heart is beating like crazy as he’s standing in front of Liam’s house, still not sure wether this is a good idea or not. 

 

His hands are sweating and he needs to smoke but he doesn’t want to smell like that when he sees Liam so he just bites his lip and knocks on the door. 

 

Within seconds, Liam opens it and stares at him. He looks pale, huge bags under his eyes and his hair falling into his face.

„Zayn!“, he breathes out and he just looks at him, looking very tiny and very insecure. 

 

Zayn gives him a half smile and a wave and he clears his throat. „Um. Hi.“

 

„Come in.“, Liam says and turns around to go into his house. 

 

Zayn follows, takes off his shoes and his coat and then enters the living room and he swears he has a panic attack -

 

Liam’s entire family is sitting there, his mother, his father and his two sisters and Zayn panics. He has never met them before and he doesn’t know why Liam would ask him to come over when his whole family was there. 

 

„Hello.“, Zayn says quietly and just stands near the door, ready to run. 

 

„Mum, Dad, Nicola, Ruth. This is Zayn. The boy I’m in love with.“

 

Zayn is dead. He feels dead. He feels numb and weird and disconnected to his own body and he just stares at Liam, can’t say or do anything.

 

He’s not alive anymore, his mind has left his body, he can’t think. What is happening?

 

„Liam. Are you serious or is this a joke?“, Liam’s sister asks and they’re all looking at him carefully. 

 

„It’s not a joke. I swear. I was lying to myself, trying to push my feelings away and I was treating you so badly, Zayn. I know that. I was just so scared and so insecure, I didn’t want to feel what I was feeling. But I can’t help it. I’m in love with you and I can’t fight it anymore. I want to be with you. And honestly? I don’t care about anything else anymore.“

 

Zayn just stares at him. He doesn’t know what to say. He expected anything, absolutely anything, but not this. 

 

Liam’s mum clears his throat. „I don’t know what to say. Weren’t you dating Sophia a few months ago?“ 

 

Liam looks at his mum. „Yes. And I’m not gay. I don’t know what I am. But I had feelings for Sophia, and now I’m in love with Zayn. I’m just going with what I’m feeling and I’m not worrying so much anymore.“

 

Zayn smiles as he remembers that this is exactly what Zayn had told him before when Liam had asked him how he knew he was gay. 

 

„… This is a lot to process. I need to get used to … all of this. But I’m trying to be as accepting as possible. However, I will need to discuss this with you later Liam. But first, I think you have a lot more to discuss with Zayn.“, Liam’s father says.

He gets up and with him, the rest of the family and he makes his way towards the door, ready to give them some space. 

As he walks past Liam, he gives him a soft pad on the shoulder and then exists the room. 

 

Once it’s just them, Liam and Zayn, Zayn begins to giggle. 

 

„You’re mental. What did you just do?“, Zayn laughs out and holds his tummy. This is just unreal.

 

Liam grins. „I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t let you go, I had to fight for you and show you that I’m serious about you. And I think this was pretty effective, wasn’t it?“

 

Zayn nods as he slowly calms down. He takes a deep breath and brightly smiles at him. „Does this mean we’re actually in a relationship now?“

 

Liam nods. „If you still want to, then yes.“

 

„Fuck. I can’t believe this is actually happening.“, he grins and runs a hand through his hair. 

 

„I’m so in love with you.“, Liam says and looks him right in the eye as he says it. 

 

And Zayn can’t stand it any longer. He closes the gap between them and presses his lips onto Liam’s, kisses him desperately as his arms wrap around his shoulders. 

 

Liam returns the kiss, pulling Zayn even closer as he places his arms around his waist and they’re kissing until they’re running out of breath.

 

„I literally thought I would never truly have you.“, Zayn whispers as they’re pulling apart.

 

„You had me right from the start. I was just to scared to admit it.“

 

„You don’t have to be scared of anything as long as you’ve got me.“

 

Liam smiles at him brightly and presses his lips to Zayn’s one more time and says then „You know what? I genuinely think that too.“

**Author's Note:**

> So you actually made it to the end! 
> 
> Leave me some comments, let me know what you think, hope you liked it :) xx


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